Paradoxical Treatment: The Hidden Power of Connection

Picture: Fauna of Ethiopia drawn by illuminator Robinet Testard in BnF Français 22971, f. 09. circa 1480 – 1485.

In psychotherapy, paradoxical treatment is a technique where the therapist might encourage a client to do exactly what they are trying to avoid - to lean into discomfort rather than away from it. For example, someone struggling with insomnia might be told to try to stay awake on purpose. This counterintuitive strategy often breaks the cycle of fear and control and brings surprising results.

But there is a larger paradox at play in the world of healing - what if the form of therapy itself is not what truly matters? The Dodo Bird Effect suggests that most therapeutic approaches - from cognitive behavioural therapy to hypnosis - are equally effective (Flückiger et al., 2018, Rosenzweig; S., 1936). The defining factor? Not the method but the relationship. Healing depends less on the tools and more on the quality of presence between people. That is the ultimate paradox - healing happens not through trying harder or doing more but through presence. The most significant predictor of healing is not the technique itself - it is the relationship between the theraphist and the client. Techniques may guide us but connection is what truly moves us. This challenges the conventional view that healing is primarily technique driven. In reality, healing begins with presence and connection - two deeply human qualities.

In recent years, peer support groups and community-based healing spaces have gained attention for a simple reason - they work. These spaces remind us that we are not alone and that being truly seen and heard is often the first step toward change. This means that community, peer support groups and deeply attuned human connection can sometimes be more powerful than any technique. When we feel safe, seen and connected - when breath synchronises and silence is shared - our nervous system begins to soften. And it is in that softening that true transformation can begin. What we frequently overlook in the therapy world is the subtle power of attunement - when two people share a moment of mutual presence. Techniques are tools but their impact is magnified only when connection is present.

True connection happens on the same level - not from hierarchy but from shared humanness. Healing then, is not just something done to someone. It is something co-created in rhythm, breath and presence. This also reminds us an important lesson saying that the healer is only here to help access the hidden power from within then allowing and initiating the healing and this can happen through connection only.

However, nothing is so one sided and so definite, some researchers pushed back against the Dodo Bird Effect, presenting meta-analyses showing that certain therapies outperform others for specific disorders (e.g., exposure therapy for phobias or EMDR for PTSD). I do not know if Dodo Effect really exists or if some therapies are actually more successful than others but no doubt there is quite a lot of truth in this idea. And I am sure many of us would agree on this intuitively, or from examples from our own lives often suggesting that connection is the most important factor determining success when seeking help.

And yet, connection has a shadow side too - a concept known as participation mystique. Coined by Lucien Lévy-Bruhl and later explored by Carl Jung, participation mystique describes the phenomenon of merging so deeply with something - a ritual, a group, a symbol, even another person - that we momentarily lose our separateness. A child believing their doll has feelings is a classic example. But adults feel it too - when you are not just in the group but you are the group. When your identity fuses with a cause, a teacher or a practice.

This state can feel magical, sacred even. In peer support circles, group meditations or rituals, it is often where transformation happens. But it also carries a paradox - if we do not remain grounded in our own self-awareness, connection can slip into dependency or unconscious projection. And to be truly great at connecting with others, first we must connect with our real selves by shedding off our masks, traumas, conditioning and opening our hearts to the winds of change.

References

Chen, Y.-R., Hung, K.-W., Tsai, J.-C., Chu, H., Chung, M.-H., Chen, S.-R., Liao, Y.-M., Ou, K.-L., Chang, Y.-C., & Chou, K.-R. (2014). Efficacy of eye-movement desensitization and reprocessing for patients with posttraumatic-stress disorder: A meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. PLoS ONE, 9(8), e103676. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0103676

Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Horvath, A. O., Symonds, D., Ackert, M., & Wampold, B. E. (2018). The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316–340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172

Rosenzweig, S. (1936). Some implicit common factors in diverse methods of psychotherapy. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 6(3), 412–415. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.1936.tb05248.x